JESUS the Same!

This past month for me has been like rough waves crashing hard into the shore, over and over again. It seemed more like a tsunami but you catch my drift. My first love experience had.. has and still is an insane roller-coaster ride. More like being thrown off the rails of the ride actually. A further, more detailed explanation would prove unnecessary and over-rated. My point is that this downfall of mine really took me by the reigns and drove my life into a brickwall. It seemed to have controlled my all and I eventually allowed it to step all over me.

God's love was never an issue for me. I never doubted His love for me, not for one second. But in the midst of all my confusion and mixed up emotions, I had permitted myself subconciously to take that step away from God which slowly led to bigger steps and a wider gap between us.

I wondered why it had come in the way of my spiritual life seeing as they appeared to have no connections to each other whatsoever. But the truth was, they bore much correlation to each other. More than I thought. I faced several pains, one after another and they all seemed to have pilled up inside like a hill of rice sacks(don't ask me where I get these insane analogies lol). And the more they compiled, the harder I found it to let anything out. I couldn't seem to phrase it all in proper words, so I couldn't describe or tell anyone much about what I felt. It could be said to be the most difficult experience of my life. I began to realize that all I could think, even when in prayer, was about the problem that I was facing. It seemed to have caused me to feel more distant from the Lord and I soon found myself straying little by a little.

A few weeks before my experience, I had attended a Bible study whereby we discussed what it meant by keeping your treasures up in Heaven instead of down here on Earth. We were split into groups of around 5 people each and were asked to discuss all the subjects printed on the sheet. My take on this particular bible verse, which I had just mentioned above, was that it meant that we should not have our priorities be put on an earthly materials but rather focus our priorities on Our Lord. After that, there was a question on the sheet which read "Do you serve two gods?". I saw it in a very square and earthly manner, seeing it meaning as serving for example both Buddha and God or something. But our dear youth group leader, quiet as he seemed, surprised us all with his take on it. He said that probably, reffering to the subject we discussed earlier which was not being able to focus during prayer or worship, the two gods that were referred to in the context represented both God and an earthly possesion. We as humans tend to fall into the trap of putting our most prized possesion first in our life, whether it be a boyfriend/girlfriend, state-of-the-art gizmos, our academics or even our problems.

I realized after pondering for so long that the only reason I had felt so distant from God was because I had been serving two gods. I had permitted my emotions to control me and had put it before everything else and perhaps, even before God. Even upon discovering that, I found it so difficult to lift things up to Him. I found that I did not know how to anymore, it seemed. I did, at least, feel more connected to Him again and that relieved me quite a great deal. I struggled and faced much difficulty attempting to surrender my troubles to Him but there was one difference with having feel connected to Him and not having feel so. After I had felt His presence by my side again, I felt safer. Like I was in my own safe haven. I felt that I, at least now, had a safety net to fall back on. The situation got better and through time, the load began to relieve itself a little by a little.

I cannot say that I am totally okay now, but I have made some amazingly drastic improvements. I have found great comfort in the Lord and no longer feel anymore difficulty in giving my all to Him. I am aware now, more than ever before, that when the world brings me down, no matter what or who it is that hurts me or turns their back on me, my Lord will never do the same.

The closest of your love ones may someday walk out on you. The most precious of your posessions may someday deteriorate. The one who promises to always love you if you ever fall short of love, may someday just stop loving you. On the other hand, JESUS will stay by your side forever. JESUS is eternal. JESUS will always love you. And JESUS is JESUS always and forever. Meaning His feelings for you are everlasting for JESUS is the same yesterday, today and forever.


God bless.